I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
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She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
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