uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize
