Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Randomize
