i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
