8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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