Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
