**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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