Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
