lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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