i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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