I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
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the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I need moral support for this bender
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
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I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
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