You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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