I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
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he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
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She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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