Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
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