the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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