YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
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