bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
