Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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