How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
