Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Randomize
