If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
