At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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