goodnight i made you a song goodbye
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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