I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
