I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
