I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
