Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
