dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
