i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
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