Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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