VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
