Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
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