Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
