Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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