Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
