You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
