toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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