guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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