well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
