I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
areolas are like halos for boobs.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Randomize
