They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Fuuuuuck dude, heβs got #Excel in his Facebook bio; Iβm screaming
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP ππππ
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