I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
whose parrot is this?
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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