Your face is a jimmy john
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
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