haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
