If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
