her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
