Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
i wish my penis had a tongue
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
