Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Randomize
