I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
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