I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Is Oprah even human
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
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