just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
You can't just leave with hair like that
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Randomize
