We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
