How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
