i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
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