Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
