he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Define "chronic" masturbator.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
