i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
