I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
