Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Hippo gnu deer
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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