He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Randomize
