I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Randomize
