I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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