sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
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