Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
