It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
