i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
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