there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
